then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
