I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
