it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
