Pants 0. Shit 1.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
