The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
