I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
