My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
