you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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