Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
