I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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