no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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