yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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