I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
