why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
