We're facebook friends in real life
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
