I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
