How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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