Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
