hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
