You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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