you traded sex for a burrito?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
