I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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