i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
