girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
