Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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