he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
