When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize