Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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