I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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