He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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