i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
