I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
