yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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