So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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