Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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