Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
