First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
