how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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