I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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