why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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