I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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