im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
