We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
