i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
