last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
