toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this is an emotional support booty call
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
