so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
