you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
