last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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