I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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