just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
