dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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