Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i've created a new STD.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
