my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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