How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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