Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
