She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
