he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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