u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's shark week go big or go home
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
