Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
