If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize