i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
