its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
