Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
