at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
