I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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