YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can text with my tongue
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
