I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
