I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
