So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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